This may come as a surprise to some of you and some of you it won't but I had a miraculous thing happen on Sunday...wait you need details first.

15 years ago I got pregnant as a 16 year old girl. Not something I was proud of at that time.  I embarrassed my family, friends and most importantly disappointed my Heavenly Father. Was getting pregnant my intentions? No! I always told myself it would never be me. Well it was me. I had sexual relations with a boy outside of marriage and consequences came about. I got pregnant. I was bound and determined to keep and raise this baby no matter what people wanted me to do. From the get go I felt pressured to place this small baby up for adoption from parents, counselors, etc. but I dug my heels in and decided I was going to go against what everyone wanted me to do. Now remember that was my 16 year old self thinking. My parents thought it would be best to get me as far away from the situation as possible. I thought they wanted to get rid of me because I am a disappointment and an embarrassment to them. They wanted someone to fix my way of thinking and knock some sense into me. They told me I was going to go live in Utah. Ummm No this isn't going to take care of the situation or problem. I would not allow this to change my plans at all. They drove me across the United States and dropped me off at a house in Utah and probably stayed awhile or not (that detail escapes me) with a complete stranger for an unknown amount of time "to take care of it" and I call this my foster care home. No one in that home had a vested interest or even a care in the world about me at least that's how I saw it. I was enrolled in my senior year of high school, got a job, saw a counselor on a very regular basis and just existed because it was what was expected and the less I was at my foster care home the more I felt like I had a purpose in life. Some days I wondered if it would be better to just quit. Give up! No one would even miss me. It felt like no one cared about me especially those that should have. My counselor suggested I do things I would normally have done at home in Ohio to feel more comfortable with my situation. I decided OK why not I am not out anything for trying. I attended church awkwardly (being a teen and pregnant out of wedlock was highly frowned upon), I took seminary, I biked and tried to stay active, I made friends with others at the alternative high school I was attending, etc. It was hard to reestablish myself and feel good. After doing those few things I saw a difference though. My Laurel teacher in young women's treated me like she cared about me (come to find out she had no idea about my "condition"), my seminary teacher loved me and showed me on a daily basis by her hugs and our long talks about life, my counselor constantly asked me what I thought and cared to know where my head was and how I was feeling and how she could help. None of them told me what I should do, how to do it, or how I should feel. They showed me through love, patience, and kindness that I am me and I am awesome and smart. I had some amazing spiritual experiences just having them in my life when I needed them most.

A few months before I was due to have this baby my counselor asked if she could ask why I was choosing to keep rather than place this baby for adoption. We openly talked about what I wanted and what the baby needed and who could best take care of her. I thought about what she had said and decided if I found a family I felt comfortable with and knew the baby was supposed to be with I would place this baby up for adoption. I didn't think it was highly possible to find a family. I met with my counselor having already told her what needed to happen for me to want to place. She had a few adoption profiles for me to look at and then we would go from there. I went to her office, she sat me down in an office, said the most beautiful prayer and left me with the profiles she had chosen. Within minutes I had read the profile of, and chosen the family for my baby because of the spirit I felt. Heavenly Father knew I needed a definite answer to prayer so the answer I received came like someone spoke to me and told me they were the ones chosen for the baby. I ran to get my counselor and told her what had happened. She asked me to continue to read the rest of the profiles to just make sure. I did as she asked but each time I had the chosen file in front of me rereading it the feeling kept coming back. We started the adoption process and I was able to meet the family. Meeting the family only solidified my desire to let them love my baby.

I delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl. I named her Elise Korianne. While I was in the hospital the adoptive family sent me flowers and I still had that feeling they were the right family for Elise. After delivery I had to contact the birth father. I was way beyond wanting anything to do with him because he didn't really put up much fight to help with the baby, etc. Because I was in the state of Utah I had to give him so much time to establish paternity or he would forfeit his parental rights. He didn't make much of an effort to even do that. The fear was real that he would try to stop the adoption from happening though. Because of this I kept Elise for the first three weeks of her life. For those 3 weeks I cuddled, bathed, fed, changed, loved, and did everything she needed. Those were the sweetest days I had had in a long time through the whole process BUT I knew she wasn't mine. She was a child of God and was predestined to come to earth to be with her adoptive family. Those three weeks didn't change my decision. Yes it made it a bit harder to give her up but I knew it was the best thing for her. I had established a routine with her for those few weeks. I took the best care of her I could in the situation I was in. 

After those three weeks, placement day arrived which happened to be her initial due date. I knew going into the building that day that I may never see her again. I would never know how her life would end up, I would never hear her laugh, I would never feed her another bottle, I would never get to feel her little fingers grab mine, I would never get to see her play, I would never know if she was ok. This was the hardest part for me knowing I played a very small role in her life the first few weeks but I would have no idea how it would go from there.  The adoptive family named her Emilie Elyse. I placed her in the arms of her adoptive mom and just cried. It was like she was meant to be in that exact spot at that exact moment and the feeling of love in the room was eternal. Heavenly Father held me in the palm of his hand and walked with me through the whole day knowing it would be very difficult and hasn't left my side even now. He still holds me up when i have hard days when all i do is think about Emilie. Up to this day the adoptive family has been nothing but loving and kind to me. They have sent me stacks of letters and pictures that I would just stare at every year. Through those letters and pictures I have felt like I have been there and know her. I have been so blessed to have correspondence with them for so many wonderful years. This eased a heavy burden for me. The never knowing went away and I know Heavenly Father and I chose the most prefect loving family for her. In the years since placement, I attended college and received a degree, met and married my husband for time and all eternity, have had three other children, and have had many miraculous  experiences and been blessed because of the choices I have made. If I had kept her I wouldn't have been able to experience the things I have nor would Emilie have had the experiences she has had. I don't like to think of What If's because we all did the things we needed to do and I have no regrets and would do it all again. We each are sent to earth with a plan and the experiences we have are already set in place before we ever get here. I chose this experience in Heaven. I believe I knew Emilie and her adoptive family in the preexistence and we followed Heavenly Father's plan to have it all come about on earth.
Now for the news...

On Sunday I had the opportunity to meet Emilie for the first time face to face. I was a nervous wreck and my anxiety was through the roof. The not knowing how things would go or what would be discussed really took its toll. We showed up at the location for our meeting and I had butterflys in my stomach. I just wanted to get a peek at them before getting out of the car to keep my emotions in check. I told Josh that I would not cry! Well I didn't get a sneak peek BUT I did get out of the car (because my kids took off running for the playground) and being a responsible adult I followed them the whole time keeping an eye out for her and her family. As we rounded a corner at the park we were meeting at I saw Ira her adoptive dad and to myself said here we go. He was exactly like I remember. I was then introduced to their sons Brayden and Kamden. We talked for awhile waiting for Nichole, Emilie and Jarin to get back because they ran home to get something. As I saw them coming up the hill towards us I was excited. I hugged both Nichole and Emilie. Emilie was super nervous too! It felt like a family reunion after many years of not seeing one another. I just wanted to hold her and talk to her but knowing we were both nervous I stepped back and let it be. I knew we would have a chance to reunite once we felt better in each others company. We had dinner, watched the kids play, and just talked about nothing of consequence. It was comfortable and felt natural. I felt reunited with long lost friends and sisters. At one point she asked me if I had a phone and if she could see it. I was hesitant and her mom recommended I don't give it to her so I didn't. Glad I didn't after seeing her pour water over Josh's head. She has guts and likes to have fun for sure. I am still laughing at her antics and how all the kids played together having a water fight. We laughed and talked and just had a fun time together. She reminds me a lot of myself and we have mannerisms that are the same. I couldn't be more proud of the wonderful Young Woman she has turned into thanks to her adoptive family for their sacrifices and love they have shown her throughout the years. She was exactly what I envisioned through each letter and picture over the years.
Here are some pictures taken by her mom at our get together.

I look forward to seeing her again and getting to know her better. This is the beginning of our next chapters. I can't express how much our Heavenly Father loves each one of us and knows us and our needs. If we turn to Him in our time of need He will guide us and help us understand. He will bless us when we follow promptings and listen for answers to prayers so we can do His will. I know that the chapters up until this point have been exactly written as the Lord wanted and that because of that knowledge my testimony has grown.
I Love You Em!